drops

This is no time to look inside
when everybody is looking at you
this is no time to tremble
with contained angles
contained angles of pure fixtures

you cant shake whats to be forgotten
dismal portraits of yesterday
raining drops of its texture
stain my canvas

gash

gashing through the snoww in a one ... just kididng



immortality shined in white

hurry up now

these eyes are closing



stare at me

im begging for mercy!

what have we done?

what have we done?



I've hit rock bottom

pick me up now

rib

There is no salvation
no meaning of end
wethered blurrs racing to strech
razors for fingers
grasping at threads
...

and

I've got no one.

ugh

harmonious vibrations
silent disaster
whats there to hear?
whats there to feel?
vacant feelings shoken up now
leaving this for
everything

weird

Every sound I hear
Is being amplified like a metal impact in a open room
waiting to be heard

come up for peace

Everybody tear me apart
its not worth crawling if you
cant see the light
heavily hanging

let me go
into smithereens
im tired of drowning

when all you can think of is
hate, flashing red
rage uncontrollably bled
thats where you come in
to take me ahead

if this isnt it, then i dont know what it is
someone pleas tell me

daydremaing

rain sweeps through my vision and it elevates me to my decision
i can't comprehend all of these sounds
these blurrs made dark
these colors made known

the accelerated pace
the uncontrolable feeling
my god, whats happening?

I don't know, im just brainstorming all of these clouds,
hoping they don't rain on my plastered out dreams

;./.,.,

My inner self
rising to layered evidence of my
unwannted presence
let it slowly deteorate me
and leave me to cry

how I want this to be over
who needs the truth when you have
thoughts of tomorrow

i can get away from anyone but
i cant get away from me
its this whole lifetime thats useless

you say that we are prisoners of our fears
in this short time we cant do it all

Blue

What do I do now?
Should I even Breathe?
the closing dusk
has left me

simple questions, but afraid to answer
simple desires. but overlaying troubles
this is too much to handle
this is too much to handle
I drown away for all to see

thin chances pray on small hopes
its all being lost while coming undone

English homework :O

My Love for you is the purest of red,
The red that carries the song of the bird,
This moment will be captured in my head
While our heart beats are the only thing heard,

Everything we have is beautiful
I’ve never felt such a raging passion
Harmonies of your lips are musical
I see our future If I imagine

Too bad this is just like some other dream,
I can only think of myself and thee
Reality is just one more extreme
Rejection is the only thing I see

While I run out of my hopeful air,
You will be too busy to even care

the

The thickening rays
piercing throught the
unveiling darkness
avoidance is the only way out for you
illuminating thoughts of desires
lead to new gateways
quickly shut by me

hearing these voices
call out my fate
i can't hear, just can't understand
just leave me alone

I

i am dead and mutilated by my own self and visions
drop me off drop me off
I hope this condensation
drowns me away

stop telling the truth
cause i am
gonan plan out my mind
my thoguhts and futures

so

Hopeless is an understatement
as well as the terror I have for myself.
What will bring the light
I'll be needing some daisies for this
dissapointment
I dont know enjoyment
somebody just turn the lights off.

I can't find my way home
I am stuck in these walls
of transparent promises.

whats happening to me?
why cant i breathe right
why does everybody look over
my attempt of being soemthing
something else
I cant bear to see myself any longer
i cant bear to hear anymore words
ive wanted something like this before

satisfraction(roughy)

what is it?
whats this satisfaction you speak of?
is it in patterns of decpetion and failing?
Is it in the echo of desolate words heard by the reflection of your own voice?
maybe its netted with the webs growing in your thoughts,
or perhaps in the darkened feelings toward my vitals

my entries are so repetitive
am I seriously that pathetic?
I mena I know I am, just not to that extent.

I want everything so bad
Why am I getting worse?

Reading your writing this morning,
it made me feel worth it
it made me feel like theres reasons to be existent
I thank you, I don't know how to though

In my dreams you two have made it for the best
Serenity can once again come to me
but it all leads to confusion
why?
because i am unsure, I am lost, I am weak
unlike you,
You are beautiful and alive
To play for you would be a honor,
to talk to you would be the acme of my lifetime

I love you all

klock

Organic sounds of lungs callousing from agressive excersion is what I hear
especially on this hollow night
the rumble of the speed
the incontrolable movement
the intakes of despair
I honestly don't care.

The same old routine is beginning to form
old beliefs that you wish you could uphold, deteorate slowly
No matter what is said, you do not believe it
you feel it once in a while, but you are never satisfied
there is no satisfaction in solitude.

you wish you could be feeling a cold breeze rushing through your soul
hoping it will accelerate your feelings
wishing you could be alone with them
while being crowded with people you truly love.

too bad vehicles run on 4 wheels not 5...
no matter how much you hate the seperation, you cannot do anything
they wish to be with new people,
while you look for chance of being part of a conversation,
your thoughts wonder in a slow cycle through the clips and pictures of a
missed period

I want to go and play my guitar at a park at night under the stars, somebody take me

you

see yourself
why are you even breathing
why are you even here
why do you have vitals, when someone else deserves it
why do i talk in question form?
why can't those lycanthropes, canines, wolves in my dreams be real
why can't their merciless actions be as true as my weaknesses

erm

The quill is the writers monocle to make his thoughts clearer onto his canvas
but the quill has its own point in which it could be dependent
it could bleed everything it wanted away, not caring what the writer read or perceived
however, it wouldn't.
there would not be enough murky plasma for the quill to form a foundation for its explanation
there would not be enough hugs and sweet words to give it the strength to leak its desires
however, it wants to.

I miss
I miss everything
I miss everyone, every laughter, every night, every smile.
I miss hope, I miss sleep, I miss being more than a standby, I miss freinds, I miss wishes, I miss the honesty in promises, I miss not being so afraid and paranoid, I miss security, i miss satisfaction, I miss stability, i miss thinking I was part of something not just a wandererrr, I miss being in a state knowing that it could happen, I miss not waking up thinking that its all over, that they are gone, that im done for.

The

Choice of leaving things undone, or not even getting the chance to fix everything
Maybe to fix everything it would be easier to end it all in one moment.
To have your moment cheated away from you, is a completley different story.
One person, gone in a matter of hopeless time.
Why couldn't it have been me?
Why would you desire to be the one being remembered, insetad of being the one forgotten?
To be disposable tissues for the time when you have no other choice.
To be the expense of new flowers for the grave.
Why couldnt it have been me?
To be left with musical recordings of you
and to be remembered as a freind.
Why couldn't it have been me?
I'm loosing grip on things
Why couldn't it have been me?

R.I.P

Mirror Me/ You Window (brainstorming)

I want to live
the thought of even marveling the concept, it enchants me,
which explains the erupting love I have for myself sometimes...
I wonder
who would not show up to the celebration of my birth?
What were their reacions and feelings be?
Am I the only one who is seduced by the concept of being strained down with life?
Why do I speak in such a way? People would be very enthusiastic, or would they?
Does anybody else ever feel so hopeful?
If you position this infront of a mirror, you would understand.
Maybe after all, I was right, it be the easiest task.

Just Thoughts

Passionate Blossoms

To some it's pain
To some it's a treasure
To some it's another thign to overlook
One phenomenom can accumulate numerous memories in ones mind.
It could be the anguish of all that it destroyed
the memories of passionate blossoms in ones soul
or what may seem so common to others, but the rest will never have
a chance to atrophy, only endure the shrivels left to savor
but if "anythings possible", why isn't the feelings you have,
symmetrical?
Everything that should make you feel better,
augments the feelings of reality
the tension in words, on the verge of a fulmination
even then, nothing would be shown
the contamination would be enough to portray everything

Its sucha

great feeling being looked over, forgotten, surpassed. Kind of like natural selection, the better will always get the advantages. Its kind of funny. You believe it. Everything is always a cycle, one way or another.

Do you ask?
no, you should test the meaning of this foundation
for it says " I'll be there for you"
it should be true... right?
it seems abandoned, worn down...
theres a little boy
I think hes sitting down and sorting out his adventures in his mind
is it such a crime to want to believe in something these days?
Oh wait... you can't
you have to grow up, realize whats really going on...
Is that a yellow flower the boy has?
it seems so fragile, porcelain seemed much more secure than this...
the boy seems enclosed by filthy windows, glass...
I don't think he can see me
even if he did, he wouldn't want my help
he cannot trust, it be like hoping a tathered rope would not snap
dropping him into the pit of broken promises...
Of course no one visits this boy,
for there are nicer places to visit, than his enclosed imagination
Why would anybody want to be here.

the beast

it gnaws at me
it begins to rip its way through me
maybe if I ignore it, It will go away
my rib cage gone, I can't breathe
nobody else sees it
they are living the roots
that will strengthen their branches getting them closer to their dreams
I can't ignore it, the afflicition is to sweet to forget
maybe the glistetning black cloud will provide a distraction, or
the unadorned heaven...
compassion weakens the beast, but it augments the catalyzation process when
the beast hits the bloodstream
you begin to get angry, you don't know why
actually you do but you can't tell yoruself why, it be easier too loose all control
its okay nobody will notice
better to be gone than to be a waste of time


the goosbumps you get after swallowing one
the tingle you feel after taking another one
you hate them, but you hope they'll you forget what was said and done
you would never think such things could happen
trying to avoid the pain of feeling alone borught only the pain of feeling useless
with too much time on your hands sitting lone playing gutiar while everybody else is experiencing "their song", you cna expect only self turmoil
why does this always happen you ask yourself
its probabaly because you need to realize that you are more pathetic than you thought
I wonder what it feel like to have a stable line, too doctors this isn't good... to them its failure
what if this stagnant line brought peace, what if it ribboned you with the warmth of a beating heart...
why are you even thinking bout this? I wonder what it feel like to be talken to, invited to... I wonder what it would feel like to be more than a backup plan... How bout being able to hate someone and following through with it...
I wonder what its like to feel something warm raging into a crowning light

thanks amy

ind3scribable (9:58:59 PM): you were like a knight slaying a dragon made of swedish meatballs

ehh

idk what to do or say
i just want to give up cause there is no use trying
the thoughts of escape scares me, to think that I would do such things
everybody else will keep going on
me? ill just fall behind and be lost forever
everybody will go somewhere else
me? i don't now where I'll end up
everybody will be with someone, finding how much they love each other
me? i'll be trying to find myself
everybody will be able to have something great in life
me? I'll be looking for a chance
but why bother with the future when im still in the present, but hey I can't even have what I want. It was never possible and was never meant to be, no matter how much it hurts to know it could have. I'll keep being the pathetic dreamer, not trying to udnerstand the world but making it what I want. too bad thats what got me in this the first place. I'll be hoping my gutiar will get me far. Hey it aint gonna happen, i got no talent. I'll be sitting around and waiting, while everybody else is slowdancing with that special someone. That aint too bad, I'll have more time to think of stupid dreams. Oh yeah I forgot, I have nightmares. Maybe if she looks at me long enough, I won't feel so bad around her. Maybe if i could forget everything, it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe If i wasn't mmyself it would be for the best.

ahh

one day your biggest dream will come crashing down from your wishing star.

I''m

so over this.
who really needs people anyways?
I can just be the backup or be there when theres nobody else right?
I'm always
idk
I wish i could scream until my lungs gave out and just collapse over and not have to worry bout it.
I miss everything.
Im the only one who remembers
and im the one always forgotten.
heres to you
thank you

San Fran/today(under construction)

the bus ride was very long. My legs and butt were tingly from being numb. the hotel was smaller than the one from alst eyar, but at least I roomed with ren and kevin. last I was suck with some weird-0's. The first night was crappy, I slept for max a hour and a half. Calvin slipepd and fell, and I laughed my brains out. haha... sometimes it seemed like it was all going to clear up and you would be able to see the stars, but then it turned dark and grey again and you felt a piercing cold gust. our window was perfect for jumping out of. haha good thing i didnt get the bed near it. so many epiphanys and thoughts during the whole trip. the first night felt like Hawaii all over again, but I tried to enjoy this one more. I did for a while. there were many fun/funny moments. I enjoyed singing in the trolley with Amy. Caitlin beatboxin/xcremaing was the most hilarious thing in the world. We never got Phish food Milkshakes :[. But Ghiradellis was yummy. yay brownie sundaes!

Today was what I expected it to be. Lunch sucked and so did afterschool. especially afterschool. Me and Nicole walked around and talked. she cheered me up a bit. I haven't hung out with her in a very long time. Its weird to think I had no clue who she was till this summer, and how I kidna opened up to ehr this sumemr randomly becuase I needed help, and now once again I need it and shes there for me. I'm glad we met. haha Caitlin walked me to class somewhat and i guess asians respect life and love drumline? Now im on the computer.blehhh......................

saturdayyy

haha oh boy. I'll just fake a smile so she won't see. she's gonnee long gone. Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost the only thing that ever made you feel alive Yeah, yeah... ahhhh. I wonder is anybody reads thisss. hmmm... haha wow today was not a very happy day. I feel nervous idk why? or maybe I do? blehblehh. sing to mee.

prhhue

shatter
it dosen't even matter
to hold up to some promise today
some tatter
I couldn't be any gladder
to have ripped and thrown away
the only problem
is that my beater
is made out of cloth and rubble
wishing life would be much sweeter

Bangerang

*crows

I don't want to grow up...

i want to see the three moons back to back like the reflection of your past slowly fading away

I want to sail across the sky past the morning and to the right

maybe be in that state of awake and dreaming
gimme some pixie dust


blehhh.

I do not know what to type.

Somebody save me?

blahh?
xoxoxo

tpills

you take and take
and you feel like your gonna regergetate
out of your body
is where you are
your stomach feels
like its dead
as you collapse onto the bed
you stare with your watery eyes
and you see the pasty skies
its all goes slow
and you don't feel anything
you hear a crow
is it giving you a deathwish?

ignore all the roar that you
feel like a bang
don't need more
of what she sang
you want to ruin the pictures
but then you realized
its what she idealized
you want it to be gone
but the envy begins to spawn
you thought their might have been hope
and you wanted to see
but at the end you know you'll just have to cope
with the needing of a plea

sweet as candy

dang. I don't get this that well YET. What is there to talk about? I'm scared its going to back to how it was.